Jeremy is a kung Fu master and the author of “Your Best Child Ever: Is this game worth winning?”
Get more information from Jeremy here: www.theparentingprogram.com
Listen to the podcast here:
Kung Fu Master to Parenting Guru
Jeremy wrote his book after 17 years of working with kids and he started to see patterns in families.
In marital arts, we notice patterns and start to pay attention to what our opponent is doing.
He started to notice patterns in families that he was working with also.
He also thought a lot about himself as a child and things that worked and didn’t work for him.
Imagine your children coming to you, looking for ways to contribute to household chores, having constant respect toward each other.
The Parenting Game
Is this game worth winning?
We have to pay attention to the game we are playing with our kids.
Are we giving our kids the right kind of energy?
They are going to get it in some way, whether positive or negative.
The quantity of energy matters more to kids than the quality of interaction.
The question then becomes, how do we get kids to play our game instead of us playing their game?
All behavior is a game to get energy. Let’s make it a game that everyone can win. Get your kids on board to help you.
As a parent, you are a success coach.
You are modeling what it means to be a successful human being. How do we help our children learn from and grow from the things they do?
Notice when your kids are in control of themselves and mention it. Feed that energy.
Every 10, 15, 20 seconds, acknowledge what they are doing.
Kids need to be reminded that what they are doing is what we want them to do. Ask older kids to help with this and to keep you accountable.
We can give our kids power by asking them for help and putting ourselves in a position of inferiority.
Letting the kids reward each other puts them in a position of respect toward each other.
Touch amplifies that energy.
Use words and also touch to reinforce that behavior.
Tell kids what they did right and it’s easier for them because they know what you want from them.
Being Centered: how many things can you do at once?
You can be aware of multiple things at once but you can only say or do one thing at a time.
Reorient our child’s focus on what we think is important.
One of the games there is transition time. It’s hard for young children to shift from one activity to another.
We use a countdown timer to help kids switch to the next acidity.
Give them reminders that we are going to switch activities.
Being Respectful: the key to success is…
Show that you care.
We try to get our kids to care about our priorities; we need to understand what our kids priorities are.
Feed energy into the stuff that they care about.
Feed energy into the stuff that we want them to do and show that we care.
We also need to care about how they feel in the process.
Respect is about showing you care.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and an action is worth a thousand pictures.
Respect between siblings.
Empathy is two things: it’s a brain structure that develops when kids are about 5-7 and continues to develop.
Masculine develops a little slower on empathy as well.
Talk to them, do you like it if I do that to you? What makes it okay for you to do that to your brother? Help them understand a larger context. What would happen if you did it at school?
Get them to set the standard so that they buy in and are more willing to live it.
When things are getting heated, give kids the power to call timeout. Let them have time to cool off. If they put themselves in timeout, they are setting their own boundaries.
Being Self Disciplined
That is doing what you’re supposed to do whether you like it or not.
It’s hard for teenagers if they don’t want the same thing that you do.
You need to tie what they want to what you want. Give them the power to change the conversation.
Being confident is the ability to believe in myself and my hopes and dreams.
Self esteem is having a high regard for yourself.
Self confident is gained when you mess up and then you fix it.
Create opportunities for your kids to try something and mess up.
That way, they begin to understand that they win or they learn. Their self confidence is built in the first four games.